Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
