thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
