Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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