I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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