I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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