What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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