I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
