So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize