What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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