my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize