Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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