now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
