i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
