We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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