dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
