guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
