he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
