Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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