I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
