I want to stick my p in your. b.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize