just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
