I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
