he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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