Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
