I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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