i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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