You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
