Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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