my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize