Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
