Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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