he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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