in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
