i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize