Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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