Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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