Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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