nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
