i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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