I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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