just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
