I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
