so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
