I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
