I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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