Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize