So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
