I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
