look no pants
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
