Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize