Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
