I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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