someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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