He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
