Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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