i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
