man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
