Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
