i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
