I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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