I can text with my tongue
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Are we still banned from the library?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
