i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
