he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
