I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize