I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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