Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
