Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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