Is it because I queefed?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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